POWER & CONTROL WHEEL
The chart below is a way of looking at the behaviors abusers use to get and keep control in their relationships. Please review the power and control wheel below to see the various ways in which domestic violence may manifest. Remember battering is a choice. It is used to gain power and control over another person. Physical abuse is only one part of a system of abusive behaviors. Abuse is never a one time event. This chart uses the wheel to show the relationship of physical abuse to other forms of abuse. Each part shows a way to control or gain power.
Reseachers developed this model to show common tactics used to acheive and maintain power in intimate relationships. Although every relationship has different dynamics, many abuse victims say that they have experienced many - if not all - of these attitudes and behaviours from their abuser.
Developed by Domestic Violence Intervention Program, Duluth, Minnesota
CYCLE OF VIOLENCE
A common pattern of domestic abuse is that the perpetrator alternates between violent, abusive behavior and apologetic behavior with apparently heartfelt promises to change. The abuser may even be very pleasant most of the time. Therein lies the perpetual appeal of the abusing partner and why many people are unable to leave the abusive relationship.
Adapted from the Coalition of Violence, CA.
This cycle can happen hundreds of times in an abusive relationship. Each stage lasts a different amount of time in a relationship. The total cycle can take anywhere from a few hours to a year or more to complete.It is important to remember that not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Often, as time goes on, the 'making-up' and 'calm' stages disappear.
Adapted from the original concept of:
Walker, Lenore. The Battered Woman. New York: Harper and Row, 1979.
IDENTIFY SIGNS OF ABUSE
To determine whether or not you're in an abusive relationship, answer the questions in the table below. The more questions to which you answer “yes,” the more likely your relationship is abusive.
Are You In an Abusive Relationship?
Does your partner call you names, insults you or continually criticizes you?
Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive?
Tries to isolate you from family or friends?
Monitors where you go, who you call and who you spend time with?
Does not want you to work?
Controls finances or refuses to share money?
Does your partner punish you by withholding affection?
Expects you to ask permission?
Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family or your pets?
Humiliates you in any way?
If you answered 'yes' to some of these questions you may be in an abusive relationship. Call Daya Office at 713-981-7645 to speak with a client advocate.
You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever:
- Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.).
- Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked or choked you.
- Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place.
- Scared you by driving recklessly.
- Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you.
- Forced you to leave your home.
- Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving.
- Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention.
- Hurt your children.
- Used physical force in sexual situations.
You may be in a sexually abusive relationship if your partner:
- Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles.
- Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships.
- Wants you to dress in a sexual way.
- Insults you in sexual ways or calls you sexual names.
- Has ever forced or manipulated you into to having sex or performing sexual acts.
- Held you down during sex.
- Demanded sex when you were sick, tired or after beating you.
- Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex.
- Involved other people in sexual activities with you.
- Ignored your feelings regarding sex.
Articles on Domestic Violence
- Immigrant South Asian Women at Greater Risk for Injury From Intimate Partner Violence; Anita Raj, PhD and Jay G. Silverman, PhD
- Battered Women and US Citizen Spouses; Giselle Agular Hass, PSy.D, Nawal Amar, PhD and Leslie Orloff, JD
You deserve a life free of abuse...You have the right to be safe in your own home...