Am I being abused?

Think about how you are being treated and how you treat your partner. An abusive relationship is one-sided (as opposed to equal) and is marked by extreme jealousy and control. A telling sign is that the abused partner is afraid to say ‘No’ to her husband/partner, and consents to his demands including those for sex, out of fear.

Does your partner…

  • Isolate you from friends and family?

  • Prevent you from doing things that you enjoy?

  • Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?

  • Intimidate or threaten you? 

  • Call you names, put you down, or humiliate you? 

  • Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?

  • Threaten to harm, deport, or divorce you? 

  • Call you constantly or track your car, phone, social media, or email? 

  • Control where you go and who you speak to? 

  • Tell you that you are nothing without him?

  • Blame you for his behavior, feelings and actions?

  • Keep you from working or accessing money?

  • Force you to have sex or do things you do not want to do? 

  • Treat you roughly by hitting, slapping, grabbing, or punching you?

  • Destroy objects to show what he can do to you?

  • Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?

  • Use his drug/alcohol problem as an excuse for abusing you?

  • Make you feel like there “is no way out” of the relationship?

If you said ‘Yes’ to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship.

  • It is not your fault that your spouse is abusing you.

  • However, only you can take the steps necessary to protect yourself and your children.

  • Your safety and wellbeing are at risk. Please call Daya or talk to someone about the abuse.

Warning Signs

 

Below are warning signs to help identify victims of domestic violence:

  • The most obvious signs of domestic violence will be bruises, broken bones, physical attacks, or threats with weapons.

  • Batterers often discourage their victims from seeking help. People who have difficulty making or keeping appointments may be trying to avoid letting their abusers know that they are seeking help.

  • Batterers frequently insist on accompanying victims to appointments, even if they have no involvement in the case. During office visits or phone calls, a batterer may try to speak for the victim, in order to control the information the victim shares with you.

  • Batterers harass, stalk, and keep tabs on their victims. If someone reports constant phone calls at work or home to keep track of their whereabouts, consider whether other warning signs of domestic violence are present.

  • Batterers try to isolate their victims from emotional support systems or sources of help. Be sensitive to persons who report that their partners do not allow them to see relatives, friends, or neighbors. Also, be alert for persons who tell you that their partners are excessively jealous of persons they see outside of the home.

  • Batterers also isolate their victims by sabotaging their ability to get and keep work. The victim may continuously be changing/losing jobs or “cannot” work because of their partner’s disapproval or actions.

(Adapted from Reading and Teaching Teens to Stop Violence, Nebraska Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Coalition, Lincoln, NE). 

Am I being Abused? CHECKLIST (provided by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)

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